Words Women Use…and What They (Really) Mean

June 3, 2009
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Blogging is still relatively new hat to me. Although I am a savory character up to some good, the chances that I might become a persona grata or sung hero traveling cognito are slim. Beknownst to me, there are at least two ways about it. Some may be concerted, nerved or mayed at my promptu postings and called-for remarks/replies. It is evitable that my ept and peccable chalant choice of words ill arouse strong givings and bridled passion, but I hope you will remain communicado.

“A man usually falls in love with a woman who asks the kinds of questions he can answer,” he remarked.

“Perhaps, but no woman ever falls in love with a man unless she has a higher opinion of him than he deserves,” she replied.

“What’s love got to do with it?” sang Tina Turner on the radio.

“There’s a sexy thought”, he commented.

“You mean sexist, don’t you?” she asked.

“Oh, you’re correcting me already,” he mumbled.

“Did I commit a faux paux?” she inquired.

“Better than commitment PHO-bia?” he quipped.

“Hmmm,” she said, considering this before reading aloud from her Ladies Home Journal, “The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because she knows that the average man can see much better than he can think. What do say to that?”

“It takes a smart man to have the last word and not use it….”

“Fine.”

“Five minutes?”

“Go ahead.”

“Thank you.”

Loud sigh.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Thanks a lot.”

“Please do.”

“That’s okay.”

“Fine.”

Speaking of words, here are some key words women often use and what they really mean:

1.) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. NEVER use “Fine” to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. “Five minutes” is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” often precedes an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with the word “Fine”.

4a) Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It! It will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine.”

4b) Go Ahead (with normal eyebrows): This means, “I give up” or “Do what you want, because I don’t care.” You will get a raised eyebrow “Go ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine.” She will talk to you in about “five minutes” when she cools off.

5.) Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A “loud sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing.”

6.) Soft Sigh: Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. “Soft sighs are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best be is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

7.) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

8.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not question or faint. Just say you’re welcome.

9.) Thanks a lot: This is very different from “Thanks.” A woman will say, “Thanks a lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “lough sigh.” Be careful not to ask what is wrong (after the “loud sigh”), as she will likely only say “nothing.”

10.) That’s okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can say to a man. “That’s okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have done. “That’s okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow “Go ahead.” At some point in the near future, when she has plotted and planned, you are going to to be in some mighty big trouble.

11.) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking, “What’s wrong?” And the woman responding, “Nothing.”

12.) Please do: This is not a statement; it is an offer. A woman is giving you a chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s okay.”

13.) Whatever: This is a woman’s way of saying, “F@!K YOU!” and is used when none of the above responses is sufficient.

© 2009 – 2015, Oren Pardes. All rights reserved.

Oren Pardes

Oren Pardes has written 48 post in this blog.

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