The Nature of Love

By nature, man loves change. He is attracted to beauty, attracted by novelty. To this the Yoga Vasishtha gives a philosophical reply: “From the moment one has obtained something desired, it is no longer desirable. The desire to obtain something disappears at the moment it is obtained.” ~ The Kama Sutra

Men leave women and never come back because all they really want is New Cow.

The New-Cow theory was based on several seminal studies cited in the article on the mating preferences of the male cow.

First, a bull was presented with a cow.

They mated.

When the bull was presented with the same cow, to mate again, the bull wasn’t interested. He wanted New Cow and this was Old Cow.

At which point the same cow was brought in again, only this time the researchers disguised her slightly – with a hat or a little dress. And again the bull refused to mate with her because he could tell that she wasn’t New Cow. She was just Old Cow dressed as New Cow.

Finally, realizing the bull couldn’t be tricked visually, an ingenious ploy was implemented: The Old Cow was smeared with New-Cow scent. Smelling New Cow, the bull got up and crossed the barn to get a better look.

But he was no fool. This wasn’t New Cow.

This was Old Cow incognito.

Old Cow in sheep’s clothing.

Mutton dressed as lamb.

Cow met Bull.                        Bull met cow.
Cow and Bull mated.              Bull mated cow.
Bull dumped Cow.                  Bull dumped Cow.

It’s not that we don’t love each other. We do. Just never at the same time…. Sometimes it just seems harder to leave than to stay.

Better a Bull has some Cow than no Cow at all.

Perpetually depressed.
Emotionally damaged.
Slightly secretive.
Desperate to be loved.
Desperate to be saved.

1. I know we just met, but did I happen to mention how sad, miserable, misunderstood, and lonely I’ve been my whole life?

2. You’re so easy to talk to – not like my current cow.

3. I am not the asshole. She is, poor thing.

4. What’s that they always say about the love of a good woman (hunt, hint)?

5. Do I hear bells ringing? [New-Cow bells!]

The chances are that most of the females will agree with each other on which are the best males, since they all have the same information to go on. ~ Richard Dawkins, The Selfish Gene

A female, playing the domestic-bliss strategy, who simply looks the males over and tries to recognize qualities of fidelity in advance, lays herself open to deception. Any male who can pass himself off as a good loyal domestic type, but who in reality is concealing a strong tendency towards desertion and unfaithfulness, could have a great advantage…. Natural selection will tend to favor females who become good at seeing through such deception. ~ Richard Dawkins, The Selfish Gene

Despite the vigor of the male [animal’s] courtship, he is actually in a state of some trepidation. In fact, in the early stages, when fear still outweighs ardor, he seems so insecure that any movement toward him by the female sends him fleeing. ~ Mark Jerome Walters, The Dance of Life

Freezing is a widespread response to predator alarm, but some prey species add a refinement to their freezing behavior. As soon as they sight a predator approaching, they swiftly dart around to the far side of a tree trunk before performing the rigid statue response.

If freezing fails to work, then the next step is to flee using an erratic zigzag course. To be successful, the direction-shifts of the fleeing animal must be irregular so that the predator cannot anticipate wither when or in which direction the next change of course will be.

Another technique is the dash-and-hide, dash-and-retreat method. This is employed by animals that cannot sustain a prolonged bout of fleeing. They make a sudden darting movement at the highest possible speed and then quickly freeze, staying quite still in the undergrowth…. They may keep this up time and time again, until, with luck, the predator finally gives up the chase. ~ Desmond Morris, Animalwatching

If you are lucky, a man will dump you.

That is, he will take you somewhere, or call you on the phone, and tell you, straight out, in so many words, that it is over.

More often than not, though, he will not be so direct and you will not be so lucky.

More often than not, he will not bother to tell you.

He will, instead, freeze.

Or zigzag.

Or dash-and-hide.

Or he will simply disappear you.

Disappearing you means he will behave toward you as if he has told you that it is over, behave as if you have had the conversation in which he says, audibly, to your face, that, for whatever reasons, he doesn’t want to see you anymore and that he would prefer it if things could go back to the way they were before you became involved; in other words, that he would like to be friends now.

The problem with disappearing is that you have not had this conversation yet.

You have not been told yet that this is what he is thinking, that this is what he has decided.

To have this conversation would mean that the man you would have had it with would only be guilty of being an asshole.

Not also guilty of being a coward.

Hell hath no fury like an Old Cow scorned.

The female chooses, not the male which is most attractive to her, but the one which is the least distasteful.
~ Charles Darwin, The Descent of Men and Selection in Relation to Sex (1871)

Egoistic: being centered in or preoccupied with oneself and the gratification of one’s own desires.

Narcissistic personality: a personality disorder characterized by extreme self-centeredness and self-absorption, excessive need for attention and admiration, and disturbed interpersonal relationships.

Pathological narcissists show a dependence on the vicarious warmth provided by others combined with a fear of dependence, and a sense of inner emptiness … Secondary characteristics of narcissism include pseudo self-insight, calculating seductiveness, self-deprecatory humor…

Chronically bored, restlessly in search of instant intimacy – of emotional titillation without involvement and dependence…. These patients, though often ingratiating, tend to cultivate a protective shallowness
in emotional relations.

If you have attracted the interest of a commitmentphobic, you will discover that the man changes drastically when a relationship runs the risk of going on “forever”.

Typically, the classic commitmentphobic relationship goes through four separate and distinct stages:

1. The Beginning: All he can think about is how much he wants you.

2. The Middle: He knows he has you, and it scares him.

3. The End: You want him, and he’s running scared.

4. The Bitter End: It’s all over, and you don’t know why.

Psychological confinement can be just as claustrophobic as physical confinement, with both representing a loss of freedom. As a result, any serious or lengthy commitment becomes viewed as a trap, and, like any other trap, it triggers anxiety. The greater the trap, the greater the anxiety and the greater the urge to flee.

What is clear now is that men’s reactions to the claustrophobic restrictiveness of commitment are no different than any other phobic reactions. In other words, commitmentphobia is not just a clever phrase. Commitmentphobia is a true phobia, replete with all of the classic physical and psychological phobic symptomatology.

The males of most mammalian species have a definite urge towards seeking variety in their sexual partners. If a male rat is introduced to a female rat in a cage, a remarkably high copulation rate will be observed at first. Then, progressively, the male will tire of that particular female and, even though there is no apparent change in her receptivity, he eventually reaches a point where he has little apparent libido. However, if the original female is then removed and a fresh one is supplied, the male is immediately restored to his former vigor and enthusiasm. ~ Glen Wilson, The Great Sex Divide

Rams and bulls are unmistakably resistant to repeating sex with the same female. Thus for breeding purposes it is unnecessary for a farmer to have more than one male to service all his sheep and cows. A single bull can be relied upon to do the rounds of all the available cows, and a single ram will eventually service all the sheep in his domain.

Male animals do not choose their mates randomly: they identify and reject those that they have already had sex with. In the case of rams and bulls it is notoriously difficult to fool them that a female is unfamiliar. Attempts to disguise an old partner by covering her face and body or masking her vaginal odors with other smells are usually unsuccessful. Somehow she is identified as “already serviced” and the male moves on to less familiar females.

Already serviced -> New Cow -> Old Cow

The more the male mates, the more offspring he can produce. By definition male fitness is the ability to maximize mating frequency [with different mates].

Throughout the animal kingdom, males generally woo females, rather than the reverse. This element of the male strategy has been labeled the Copulatory Imperative. As much concerned with quantity as quality, males are often rather indiscriminate in courtship…. Among invertebrates as diverse as butterflies and hermit crabs, males are apt to court an astonishing variety of objects, indeed almost anything that bears some resemblance to a female. The principle also holds up in our own species. ~ Sex, Evolution, and Behavior (Daly & Wilson)

So the next time we’re stupid enough to fall in love, we have to worry about them cheating on us not only with other women but also with maple-syrup bottles?

We tend to study animals for what they can teach us about ourselves or for facts that we can turn to our advantage. Most of us have little interest in the aspects of their lives that do not involve us. ~ Elizabeth Marshall Thomas, The Hidden Life of Dogs

Opposable thumbs up!

Newsweek: When both sexes were presented with photographs of facial expressions and asked to determine what emotion was being expressed, women were able to correctly identify a sad face ninety percent of the time on men and women. Men, of course, had more trouble with this. While they could correctly identify sadness on men’s faces ninety percent of the time (big surprise), they had a seventy-percent success rate when it came to identifying sadness on women’s faces. In addition PET scans revealed that men used significantly more of their brains during this exercise than women did, and they still got fewer answers right.

Washington Post: Most animals actually have two “noses’ for sensing odors: “the familiar, visible one, which responds to a broad spectrum of odors in the environment; and the “erotic” nose, or vemeronasal organ, a specialized structure hidden near the base of the nasal cavity in reptiles and in most mammals, which responds only to pheromones.” This “erotic” nose is not related to areas of the brain that control higher functions but to the amygdala, a primitive part of the brain that mediates emotions.

Allelomimetic behavior: of or characterized by imitativeness within a group: All the sheep in a flock, or all the fish in a school, or all the dogs in a pack, tend to do the same thing at the same time.

It’s like how all alien abductees draw the same picture of the alien that abducted them! As if it’s somehow part of the collective unconsciousness.

Or like how all men seem to have gone to school and taken some secret break-up class because they all say and do the same thing when they end a relationship, as if they were – genetically programmed.

Neophilia: the love of new things

The story goes that President and Mrs. Coolidge were visiting a government farm in Kentucky one day and after arrival were taken off on separate tours. When Mrs. Coolidge passed the chicken pens she paused to ask her guide how often the rooster could be expected to perform his duty. “Dozens of times a day”, was her guides reply. She was most impressed by this and said, “Please tell that to the President.” When the President was duly informed of the rooster’s performance he was initially dumbfounded. Then a though occurred to him. “Was this with the same hen each time?” he inquired. “Oh no, Mr, President, a different one each time,” was the host’s reply. The President nodded slowly, smiled and said, “Tell that to Mrs. Collidge!”

With human males and females the Coolidge Effect manifests itself in a subtler though still apparent way. Most commonly it occurs when a male, after engaging in a romantic and sexual relationship with a female for a period of time – a month, three months, six months, a year or more – grows increasingly bored with his previous New Cow. In the vernacular it is usually referred to as the “itch”. The male will then begin to sniff around, if you will, for variety and will pick from the somewhat wide selection of New Cows available to him one to his liking. Mating with this New Cow will ensue, which will promptly lead him to view the Cow he is primarily involved with as his Old Cow. In the majority if cases the male will leave the Old Cow to pursue a relationship with this New Cow, only to find, after a varying period of time, that this New Cow has gotten Old, and he will desire variety again and so repeat this process innumerable times. At present there is no set cure for this Old-Cow-New-Cow syndrome in either animals or humans.

Alelominetic behavior refers to the curious phenomenon when animals inexplicably behave in exactly the same way – that is, mutual mimicking: One group member does something, which leads another to do the same thing, and because others are now doing what the first one started doing, that first one continues. Birds in a flock fly together; fish in a school swim together; sheep and cattle in a herd follow one another, etc. The prevailing assumption at work here is that some intuitive and innate impulse produces the particular behavior in the first group member, and the allelomimetic impulse induces the others to follow suit.

In human males this principle is manifested quite often – most clearly in courtship and wooing methods used to attract females, as well as fleeing and abandoning strategies used to dispose of them. In fact, allelomimetic behavior is so frequent and obvious in males that many females experienced in the ways of men have come to know that such a principle is at work, even if they are unaware of the scientific name for it. At present there is no set cure for allelomimetic behavior in either animals or humans, though again my institute is working quite diligently in this pursuit.

B.F. Skinner experiments:

If a rat hit the bar and the food always came, the rat would quickly become bored and lose interest. It was too easy. Too predictable. It wasn’t enough of a challenge.

If the rat hit the bar and the food never came, the rat would get angry and frustrated and also lose interest. It was too hopeless, too discouraging. The rat would get depressed and stop trying.

But if the food was dispensed sporadically, randomly, unpredictably, the rat would become frenzied. The more random the rat was rewarded, the more obsessive it became.

It’s the chase thing again. Playing hard to get. They love that.

She hates me, she hates me not.

Gynogenetic reproduction: The method of reproduction of female species that reproduce clonally using their own DNA but rely on the sperm of males from closely related species to spark the information and development of the embryo.

Scientists could never understand why a male would engage in sex without the possibility of siring offspring. Producing sperm is a very big expense metabolically, and mating in general is dangerous – and males, of course, aren’t exactly known for their altruism. But what they’ve found is that when male fish called sailfin mollies mate with the females of a related but gynogentic species called Amazon mollies, the males become much more attractive to the females of their own species.

You see, the Amazon mollies look enough like sailfin mollies to convince the female sailfins that when they see a mail sailfin courting and mating with an Amazon, what they’re seeing is a sailfin mating. And the females are attracted by sexually successful males. Therefore a male sailfin that bothers to help a female of another species reproduce ends up with a surplus of females for himself.

Staying with a woman attracts others. It’s kind of like there’s something in it for them if they appear to be domestic – if they appear to be attached to another woman.

More sympathetic. More comfortable or experienced at being a couple.

Husband: a married man, esp. when considered in relation to his wife; a manager; a prudent or frugal manager; to use frugally; to conserve: to husband one’s resources; to be or become a husband; to marry; to find a husband for; to till; cultivate; master of the house

Husbandry: the cultivation and production of edible crops or animals for food; agriculture; farming; the science of raising crops or food animals; careful or thrifty management; frugality, thrift, or conservation; the management of domestic affairs or of resources generally.

Womanizer: a man who pursues or courts women habitually; a philanderer

Philander: to make love with a woman one cannot or will not marry; carry on flirtations

Cad: a man who behaves dishonorably or irresponsibly toward women

Lothario: [Lothario, seducer in the play The Fair Penitent (1703) by Nicholas Rowe] a man whose chief interest is seducing women

Romeo: the romantic lover of Juliet in Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet; any man with a reputation for amatory success with women

Casanova: Giovanni Jacopo (1725-1798), Italian adventurer and writer; any man known for his amorous adventures; rake

Don Juan: a legendary Spanish nobleman famous for his many seductions and his dissolute life; a ladies’ man or womanizer; Romeo

Satyriasis: abnormal, uncontrollable sexual desire in a male

Homo erectus commitmentphobe

* When Mormon crickets mate, male lifts female off ground to see how much she weighs. The heavier the better: more eggs.

* Praying mantis females devour the male’s head during sex.

* Banana slugs are actually hermaphrodites. While mating, males chew off each other’s penises.

* Eighty percent of all men who die during an act of sex do so while being unfaithful.

* Basketball superstar Dennis Rodman’s father has twenty-seven children. Father’s first name: Philander.

* Only three percent of mammals pair-bond.

* Milo was an ancient Olympic games champion wrestler. After competitions he reportedly ate an entire cow.

* Female hamsters produce sex pheremones in their vaginal fluid. If smeared onto the haunches of a male hamster, other males will mount and attempt to mate with him.

* The old taxonomic name for chimpanzee was P. satyrus: refers to myth of apes as “lustful satyrs”.

* The sperm count in a husband’s ejaculate increases when wife is away – overcompensating for her opportunities to be unfaithful.

* Dysthymia: chronic sadness.

* Men’s brains generally larger than women’s. Women use more of their brains than men when they feel sad.

* “Mounting behavior in male rhesus monkeys has been induced by electrical stimulation of the lateral hypothalamus and the dorsomedial nucleus of the hypothalamus, leading to coital sequences and ejaculation.”