Men and Words

Men’s Thesaurus

IT’S A GUY THING.
Translated: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”

CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?
Translated: “Why isn’t it already on the table?”

UH HUH,” “SURE, HONEY,” OR “YES, DEAR
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.

IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN
Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”

TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU’RE WORKING TOO HARD.
Translated: “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”

THAT’S INTERESTING, DEAR.
Translated: “Are you still talking?”

YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.
Translated: “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop,’ the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification number of every car I’ve ever owned… but I forgot your birthday.”

OH, DON’T FUSS – I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT’S NO BIG DEAL.
Translated: “I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I’m hurt.”

HEY, I’VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I’M DOING.
Translated: “And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.”

I CAN’T FIND IT.
Translated: “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”

WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?
Translated: “What did you catch me at?”

I HEARD YOU.
Translated: “I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t spend the next three days yelling at me.”

YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE.
Translated: “I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse.”

YOU LOOK TERRIFIC.
Translated: “Oh, please don’t try on one more outfit. I’m starving.”

I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.
Translated: “No one will ever see us alive again.”

WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK.
Translated: “I make the messes; she cleans them up.”

For translations of women’s words, see: Women and Words.